“Thank you God for my crown [cardboard thing from Burger King], thank you for mommy & daddy, thank you for my friends . . .”
There is something very precious in hearing the voice of a small child speaking to his Creator. For the second night in a row B wanted to say his own prayer at bedtime. He has led us often at meal times with a little blessing he learned in preschool (thanks Ms. Jenny!) but had not wanted to attempt speaking in his own words at the times we sit down to pray together. My heart is singing for this tiny little fruit beginning to bud.
Thanksgiving is fast approaching in the U.S. That sweet little voice singing, chattering, giggling, laughing out loud, and now praying, is one of the things I’m most thankful for. But my thankfulness comes with a bag of mixed emotions. Every thing about B that makes me smile is something that J is missing. In the midst of my joy, there is a hint of sadness as I realize this.
At the same moment I’m thankful for this precious child, I’m sad for what J is missing, what her family is missing, and what B is missing. He has another whole set of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, sisters that he will not know until he’s grown, if ever. I do hope he will know them one day. I also hope I will see J again some day and give her a long deserved hug.
She is a part of B’s bedtime prayers every night. I have written that to her many times. I truly hope she knows in her heart how much we love her. Although this is only a semi-open adoption – in that we correspond via letters and email through the agency – I consider her to be a part of our family. She is a part of our family. There is so much of her in B. We did not meet B’s first-dad, but I’m sure there is much like him in B, too.
That is another dimension of my thankfulness for B. Although we are raising him and teaching him how to live in the world, much of who he is comes from those genes that came from his first-parents. Being thankful for B leads to being thankful for each of them. Then, that brings me back around to feeling sad that B doesn’t get to know them. Ah, what a crazy mixed up thing adoption is.
So, mixed bag of emotions and all, I am thankful for peace that passes understanding. I am thankful for my family, such that it is. I am thankful for bedtime prayers.
I wish that peace for each of you this Thanksgiving week. God bless you.