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Archive for the ‘Adoption’ Category

Long ago, towards the beginning of this blog, I had posted our adoption story. Shortly after that, and a rather unpopular post on the subject of adoption, I learned that the way I stated some things regarding our adoption was offensive to some folks on the other side of the adoption triad. So, I took it down to ponder and do some rewriting. Goodness, I think that was nearly two years ago. Tonight I discovered that the draft was still in my files. So, I’ve read over it and made a few terminology changes, and reposted. Check the page tabs across the top.

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I believe the last time I mentioned the foster care process it was stalled. At this point I’d say it is dead in the water. Not long after we started the process G’s unit received alert orders that they would be deployed. At the time it was a year out so we thought we’d go ahead and foster for a year until he departed. We waffled a bit, went ahead and took the CPR class, then stalled. Frankly, I realized that as long as G is First Sargent here, he is not really available for family – he’s not ours. It eventually reached a point where I couldn’t even count on him to take B twice a month while I went to Bible study. Therefore, foster care would be all mine all the time.

Now I’m not meaning to complain about G. That is just where we are right now. Not to mention the rough waters we just came through with G’s mom the last few months of ’08. I had to come to terms with the fact that foster care was more than I could handle all by myself, and would add stress to G’s already maxed out life, as well. So, that is where we are. Perhaps after deployment, when G ends his military career, we will begin again.

In the meantime I think prayer and soul searching are in order. We really thought this was where God was calling us, but have found ourselves to be in error. Perhaps He’s just preparing us for something down the road. Who knows, at this point. Our steps have not led where I thought they were going, and I’m resigning myself to B being an only child for a little while longer. And that’s not proving to be so bad, for now.

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I’ve avoided the subject of our application process to become foster parents. Frankly, we have stalled in the process. After completing the classes and the background check (complete with finger prints) and taking the CPR classes, we stalled on completing the paper work. I’ve mentioned before, I think, that G is completely consumed with his First Sargent duties. I have not pushed to complete the process because, really, I don’t want to do this by myself. I want him to be involved; I want him to take the lead.

This week I did inquire about it and he said he wanted to continue the process. The news of the Eldorado case had him thinking about it again. The next day the agency called to check if we were still interested. Funny how that worked. I told them that we had been discussing it and committed to having our paperwork completed by the end of the week. Yikes – that might be a little ambitious. So, will we get it done? Will G be able to shift some of his focus and energy back towards home? I want to be obedient to God’s calling and follow my husband’s leadership. I can’t see the next stepping stone, should I put my foot out and take the step? Deep breath.

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Remember the case I blogged about earlier this year? Remember Stephanie Bennett? Remember how the adoption agency got her to sign preliminary relinquishment papers on their FIRST MEETING with her? Well, unfortunately, she and her family are still fighting her case. Here is an update at AmyAdoptee, if you’re interested. Please keep praying for this situation. It must be a nightmare for the Bennetts, really. I’m sure they wish they could wake up and find it just a bad dream.

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Yesterday was B’s half birthday. We had a special dinner of home-made pizza and salad, with cookies he had picked out at the grocery store for desert. My folks had sent him a Veggie-Tale Half Birthday ecard that he’s viewed several times, now. For weeks he’s been informing us that he’s “almost going to be five.” Guess now it’s official – he’s almost going to be five in just six more months. This time next year we’ll have a kindergartner in the house.

He has matured so much in the last six months. He has developed an interest, lately, in babies and how they get here. Don’t you just love that one? 🙂 This has given us several opportunities to talk about J and how he was “borned in a hospital.” We talk about how he did not grow in mommy’s tummy, but in J’s. That is as far as his interest goes for now. Well, other than recently wondering how the babies get out of the tummy! Ha! Guess I have some refresher reading to do. 🙂 How do you explain that to an almost five year old?

Hm-mm, it just occurred to me that I could query J on how she would like us to talk about some of this with him. Things like, should we talk about his sisters? I mentioned before that I’m not sure if they know about B. That could prove awkward in the future in the event he wants to meet J – which I hope he does. And I hope she will be willing as well.

I lean towards open and honest, and so wish that B’s first family would be involved in some way in our lives. Oh yeah, I was supposed to let go of that, huh? Sometimes I pick it back up again and hope and pray. I guess that’s OK. Perhaps someday those prayers will be answered. Well, since she’s on my mind, I should go write a letter.

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I didn’t really get into why it was so important that we find that diversity in our lives in that last post. Funny, I hopped over to catch up with fellow transracial adoptive mom of Sandy Cove Trail and found this post about legos. I was just thinking we needed to upgrade B to legos pretty soon. sigh.

One thing she mentions was how easy it was to ignore back before becoming a transracial family. That’s so true. My own awareness of these issues heightened tremendously after B came along. So I can’t fault folks, really. We just don’t realize how self-segregated we are.

That diversity I wrote about in our new church is an act of God. Pastors from other churches come to them and ask how they did it and the leadership just shrugs – It was God, nothing they set out to do. Segregation, racial divide, racism – those are not of God. Those come from fallen, broken people. As Sally Lloyd-Jones puts it in The Jesus Storybook Bible -our hearts don’t work properly. We don’t love God, and we don’t love each other, as we were meant to. Kind of makes me wonder what God’s up to out here in the middle of Texas in this one little church.

While I’m on the subject, B has been noticing that people are different colors lately. At first, some time last year (while we were in EP) he declared that he is brown, mommy is pink and daddy is green (army uniform?). Cute. Well, recently while I was visiting with someone from our new church (they had us over for dinner) B, who had been playing quietly on the floor for some time, suddenly crawled into my lap and said, “Mommy, did you notice (pointing to himself) black (pointing to our new friend) black, (pointing back to himself) black (and pointing back to friend) black.” We both nodded and said, “yeah, that’s right.” Then he went back to playing, and we went back to our conversation.

I don’t know where or when this past year, but he has definately picked up that folks with his skin color are called black, and mommy and daddy’s skin color is called white. Regardless of what we choose to teach him, what’s out there will be discovered. He is very observant. And, someday he won’t be cute adorable kid. Someday he’s going to be a black young man. That my friends, is why finding diversity in our inner circle is so important.

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We Will dance on the streets that are golden
The glorious bride and the great Son of Man
From every tongue and tribe and nation
Will join, in the song of the Lamb     (from “We Will Dance” by David Ruis)

That is the chorus from one of my favorite songs. When it comes to praise and worship in song, my favorites are songs about heaven. That concept of every tribe, tongue and nation worshipping God together comes from Revelation 7:9. What an awesome picture of God’s design – His beautiful created whorshipping Himself in unity.

That is what God set on our hearts to find here on earth. A place of worship full of diversity, the diversity that God Himself created. Ahhh, but not just that. The teaching needed to be centered on God and His Word, not on man – that high view of scripture I had mentioned last year when we found a church in El Paso. And, a body that encouraged families to worship together, but that also provided a place for younger kids that weren’t yet able to sit through the sermon. All of that together, along with emotional health of the body, presented a rather tall order in my book. I did not believe we were actually going to find that church.

Ahhh, but God is much bigger than anything I can think or imagine. We actually found exactly what God placed on our hearts! And, much to my surprise, it’s a Southern Baptist Church! If I remember correctly, over 40 nationalities are represented in this one congregation. Right here in central Texas. I can just hear Jesus, “Oh ye of little faith.”

Now, being a church full of human beings, I’m quite certain it is not perfect. You’ll not find one anywhere that doesn’t have it’s issues. And the worship style is a bit more traditional than we’re accustomed to, having worshipped with a BGC church plant in Virginia, and a Sovereign Grace church in El Paso. They actually have a worship choir, with a choir director, rather than a worship team. But it is refreshing to see so many young people involved in both the choir and orchestra. And that has not hindered in any way my ability to worship freely.

Now we are trusting God for new relationships that will be built within this congregation and in our new community with people of color. And can I say people of different colors? After all, those of us who are “white” are not lacking in color. We have malatonin, too, you know. God created color and He created His world in color -all kinds of shades and tones. “And God saw everything that He had made, and behold, it was very good.” Genesis 1:31a

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