How We Became Three
We were both still college students when we married. So it was a number of years before we realized we had a problem. During those early years I really didn’t think all that much about becoming a parent. I was focused on getting through school and dreaming of career possiblities. It was there in the back of my mind – a general assumption we’d have kids somewhere along the way, preferably before I turned 30.
Once armed with a college degree, I got a job and began a graduate program in counseling at Covenant Theological Seminary – with the ultimate goal of becoming a psychologist. During that year a very subtle and gradual change began in my heart. I didn’t realize it at the time, but had a sense of weariness with my course of study. Even when I was not accepted into the second year of the program, it hadn’t hit me yet. I was quite devastated and had no idea how to proceed from there.
As I continued to work and grow along with my husband I began to realize that a career that took me away from home and family was not what I really wanted. The desire to add the role of mother to my job description began to grow and we decided we were ready for children. We had been participating in children’s ministry in our church for some time and wanted to add that dimension to our family.
Well, a year went by, then another, then another. I started talking to my gynecologist and we tried Clomid, a medication to aid fertility. Nothing. We went to a specialist and had all the tests. My husband’s sperm count was on the low end, but within normal range. I had some mild endometriosis removed. Maybe in the next few months . . . Still nothing.
Now we were at a crossroads. IUI was recommended by the fertility specialist. We didn’t know which way to go – continue with medical treatments trying to get pregnant, or begin the adoption process. It took us a while to come to a consensus as each of us went back and forth between the two options. It was difficult to let go of the idea of a little person coming from the combination of our genes. Who would she look like, which side of the family would he favor?
I really can’t explain why. But the tragic event of 9/11 brought us together to the consensus of adoption. Unfortunately the added stress of my husband’s job also brought illness. He lost an amazing amount of weight and was obviously having digestive distress. More delays as he is ultimately diagnosed with Crohn’s disease and strives to get his health back under control.
Finally, he is healthy again (relatively speaking, of course) and we contact an agency. We took several months to accomplish the paperwork and homestudy. Finally everything is complete. Now we prepare ourselves for the wait.
Just two months later, right before Christmas we get the phone call. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! We have been chosen by a mother. She wants to meet with us. We meet J twice in the new year and fall in love with our son’s first-mom. She wanted her son to have a family that included a father, and was willing to suffer the pain of not raising him herself so he could have that. We were very impressed with her steadfast commitment to her plan.
The appointed day arrived and B was born. We lived a few hours away, so were not there for the moment of birth. He was about 4 hours old the first time I saw him. The nurse in the nursery lifted him up for us to see from a distance – and I cried. We spent precious time with J at the hospital and were able to get to know each other more as we took turns feeding, changing, and holding B. I will always cherish that time.
A social worker from the agency came to the hospital to help with the discharge process. It was a very emotional time for all of us. We said goodbye to J and then left with a baby. It was very surreal. We now correspond with J through the agency. We send pictures and updates on how B is growing and she sends letters on how she’s doing and occasional gifts for B.
Well, I was almost 34 when we finally became three. My biggest lesson was trusting in God’s timing and plan over my own. I obviously had much growing and maturing to do and think I’m probably a better parent now than I would have been in my twenties. But again, purely speculation on my part. Now more years have passed and am learning the same lesson all over again – trust in my creator. We are waiting on God’s timing to begin the process again for a little brother or sister for B.
Beautiful story! We adopted our first son privately. He was placed in my arms at 3 minutes old and we were able to take him home from the hospital and adopted him 3 months later. It was a miracle! He is now 5 years old and we adore him! We’re still in touch with his birth mother and we exchange pictures/letter updates as well.
We are now trying to finalize the adoption of our foster daughter. We’ve had her in our home for over 2 years now, so it’s been a long road but we’re nearly there!
Thanks for sharing your story!