About Those Music Lessons

It seems B is not quite ready for formal lessons. He was initially looking forward to it, but then almost immediately he dug in his heels and stated he did not want to learn the piano. Practice was pretty much akin to pulling teeth and quite complicated our mornings (or afternoons, whenever we tried to accomplish practice).

This presented quite a dilemma for me. On the one hand, we don’t want B to develop the habit of quitting the hard stuff. Self discipline and perseverance are necessary qualities to develop. But on the other hand, I did not want him to grow to hate the piano. If he’s truly not developmentally ready, pushing him now could make it very difficult later on when he is ready. I went back and forth between the two hands quite a bit before finally deciding to give him the option to stop for now. He stated quite plainly that he did not want to take piano lessons, much as he likes Ms. Krista.

Although I am pretty disappointed it turned out that way for B, another idea did flash across my brain. 🙂 I had a short stint of traditional piano lessons once when I was a kid, and again when I graduated from college (my gift to myself). As much as I wanted to learn piano, it just wasn’t clicking with my brain. But while working with B practicing the Suzuki method, something seemed to click that hadn’t before.

So, I asked Ms. Krista if she would mind teaching an old fogy like me instead of B. She said yes and now I am taking piano lessons. I have a twofold purpose. One, of course, is my own desire to play the piano. And, B will have the opportunity of watching me learn. He’ll see that I practice every day and, hopefully, get better as I go along. He’ll see what it takes to learn a new skill – self discipline and perseverance.

I must say that I have not given up on B and still intend to incorporate music/piano into our home-school time. I have found some music “curriculum” by Robert Pace for the preschool age group that looks like it might be more in line with B’s personality and developmental level. Check it out. I’d love to hear any recommendations from any more experienced homeschoolers that have incorporated music into their educational endeavors.

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From the Mountains

We sang this song in worship this morning and I couldn’t help but think of the beautiful mountains we left just a week ago.

Much of You by Stephen Curtis Chapman

How could I stand here
And watch the sun rise
Follow the mountains
Where they touch the sky
Ponder the vastness
And the depths of the sea
And think for a moment
The point of it all was to make much of me
Cause I’m just a whisper
And You are the thunder and

I want to make much of You, Jesus
I want to make much of Your love
I want to live today to give You the praise
That You alone are so worthy of
I want to make much of Your mercy
I want to make much of Your cross
I give You my life
Take it and let it be used
To make much of You

And how can I kneel here
And think of the cross
The thorns and the whip
and the nails and the spear
The infinite cost
To purchase my pardon
And bear all my shame
To think I have anything worth boasting in
Except for Your name
Cause I am a sinner
And You are the Savior and…

Yes, I am a whisper, He is the thunder.

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Another Tower View

This is a shot in another direction from the tower of The Lodge. It sure is beautiful in those mountains. You can check out my flickr photos for more shots from Cloudcroft.

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From the Tower

We stayed at The Lodge in Cloudcroft, this past weekend. This is a view from the tower.

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Cloudcroft Pictures

I don’t know when I became such a fuddy duddy. Perhaps I’ve always been one. I was drug out in knee deep snow by my husband, muttering and sputtering the whole way up to this spot. Of course, once I got there I found it quite breath taking, and was glad that he went to the trouble of dragging crotchety old me up the snowy mountain.
More pictures to follow.

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Freshly Laundered Shirt Returns

We’re back! Sorry, I couldn’t resist after the title of my last post. Sometimes I’m just goofy. 🙂

We all had a wonderful weekend. B had a great time with Grandmom & Grandad and their little dog, Penney. He was so excited to get to hold her in the car that he didn’t even want a kiss goodbye! sniff. But, that was better than the alternative. I was very releived we didn’t have screaming, crying, and gnashing of teeth. He’s growing up, I suppose.

G and I also had a very relaxed weekend. It was nice to sleep until we were done sleeping, and to wander at our leisure where we wanted to wander, as long as we wanted to. Funny thing, though. We kept talking about how much B would like this or that, and we purchased a few items for him while out shopping. 🙂

This is going to be a whirlwind week leading up to B’s BIG 4 birthday on Saturday. So posting will be hit or miss. I have some posts rattling around the back of my brain, but they will probably have to wait until next week. I do want to put up some pictures of the beautiful mountains when I can manage to get them off the camera. That’s my goal here for the week. 🙂

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Off Like a Dirty Shirt

Wow, this has been a rough week on the adoption front. I’m still shocked at some things I have seen around the blogosphere by adoptive parents and some wanting to adopt. Stuff like this: Adopt Us a Baby (WARNING click at your own risk – triggering). That one left me speechless.

Sooo, I’m going to take a break for the weekend. We are heading out tomorrow for a romantic weekend to celebrate our 17th anniversary. It was actually in December, but we didn’t get to celebrate at the time. Then my dad & stepmom gave us a weekend stay at an historic luxury hotel in the mountains of New Mexico. Thanks!!! B will be staying with them.

I am not even going to take the computer with me. I may suffer some email/blog withdrawal, but it will be good for me. Have a great weekend everyone.

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To Clarify on Adoption Ethics

I want to clarify a few things from my recent postings regarding ethical and open adoptions. I pretty much agree with all the items in Afrindimum’s list, although we are probably thinking differently about at least one of those items. So I’ll start there, with the abortion issue. I am pro-life, no ifs ands or buts. We used a Christian adoption agency, and they do include abortion in the list of options a woman has. It is an unfortunate reatlity that it is a legal option in this country. So, the agency has to be willing to discuss that option with women that come to them considering it. And, they have to be armed with the hard facts. That’s what I have in mind regarding counseling on all the options.

Another issue is paying expenses for the pregnant woman. Petunia makes a good point about leaving the woman without medical care. Yes, that woman should be assisted, but NOT by the potential adoptive parents. That can most certainly leave the mother feeling obligated to that family to go through with placement. That is coercion. Assistance should come from the agency or elsewhere. The potential adoptive family should not be paying money directly to a pregnant woman considering adoption for any reason.

Finally there is the issue of open adoption. The list states to make sure the agency practices and encourages open adoption. I don’t believe this means that every adoption must be open. I take it to mean that it must be a viable option and all parties should have a clear understanding of what that entails. Families should certainly be matched up desiring similar levels of openness. Potential adoptive families should absolutely not be encouraged to agree to openness to get a woman to sign on, if that is not what they intend to keep.

I hope that clarified a bit some of what I was thinking in those recent posts. I just stumbled on Adoptive Family Forums today, and they have a very informative thread on choosing an ethical agency. They’d love to have you join in if you’re looking for more information.

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My Questions Answered

When I hadn’t gotten a call-back from the agency, I decided to send an email. Here’s an excerpt:

We are willing to accept whatever level of openness J wants at any given time. If she needs distance for a while and doesn’t want to hear from us, that’s OK. But I also want to know if she would like more than we have started out with, like direct contact or even a visit. I would hate the thought of her wishing for something but fearing ever asking for it – you know? I guess what I want to know, in a nutshell, is there room for growth here? Or, since we started out semi-open, is that how it has to stay until B turns 18 . . .

Isn’t email great! I got a response the very next day. Here are some excerpts:

I think it is so wonderful that you are feeling like having more openness with J!  You can certainly state that directly in any correspondence you send us to send to her, and she can write back and say how she feels about it.

If you write to J concerning the possibility of making the adoption more open, and if she writes back and says that she would like to do this, there are a few things we could do.  We could schedule a reunion visit or telephone conversation between your family and J, and have it facilitated by the agency.  A reunion visit might be more difficult since everyone lives far away. One thing that we have done in the past is set up “non-identifying” e-mail addresses (one for the adoptive family and one for the birth mom).  “Non-identifying” means that when you send the e-mail, your last name cannot pop up in the “From” line of the person you sent it to, and there can be no other identifying information in the e-mail address.

Boy, I am all over the email idea. A reunion visit would be great, too. But that is not as feasible, as stated, due to distance. But, we will be in the military a few more years, so that could always change, too. All this hinges, of course, on J’s wishes. If she’s up for it then we’re on it. But, if she’s not, at least I’ll know that we have communicated openly about it. And she’ll know that if her wishes ever change she can initiate with confidence.

So, now I know that we are not stuck with semi-open if J wishes to open things up more. I also feel much more confident with how the agency handles our correspondence. The next step, I suppose, is to write that letter.

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Ethical Adoption

A while back I linked to a post on Afrindiemum where she lists things to consider to ensure you embark on an ethical adoption (see Come Together on Adoption). This is so important and has come to my attention again that there are many adoption “consultants” and even agencies that are not using ethical practices, that I decided to post it here again. Again, this list is from Afrindiemum.

In pursuing an ethical adoption, I can:

•  Choose a large, ethical, non-profit agency that networks for it’s programs with other agencies throughout the U.S. If a large, ethical agency works with smaller agencies and insists on them adhering to the same ethical behaviors, these behaviors will become the norm, and change will happen.
• Make sure these agencies provide separate, third-party counselors to the pregnant women seeking information on adoption.
• Make sure that these counselors counsel their clients on all of their options, including parenting, adoption and abortion.
• Make sure that the counselors assist their clients in finding whatever resources necessary to assist them in whatever decision they make.
• Check that these counselors are available to their clients before, during and after their decisions.
• Check that these counselors do not receive bonuses depending on the outcome of their client’s decision.
• Make certain that the agency practices and encourages open adoptions.
• Let for-profit and other unethical adoption agencies know which of their policies would morally prevent me from working with them and why. If they see enough input from clients they could have had, maybe they will change their ways.
• Make certain that the woman who chooses us has made her decision on her own, free from coercion.
• If matched pre-birth, ensure that she knows that we support her to make whatever decisions are best for her and her baby. And if that decision is to parent, that we will be there to help her obtain the support she needs to parent. Watch for signs of her changing her mind, and encourage her to explore those signs further.
• Not pay birthparent expenses. Hello, coercion.
• Understand what services the placement fees cover and how the agencies came to that      level of placement fee.
• Not work with agencies that charge more money for biracial babies than for African American babies.
• Not work with an attorney or an adoption facilitator. Not pursue a private adoption.
• And probably a whole slew of other things I’m forgetting right now.

If anyone would like to add to this list, please do so. I have to run now and pay attention to my son.

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