Archive for June, 2006

We are moving out of our house today and getting all the stuff ready to go. G & B camped out in the yard last night (got rained on) and I went out with some girlfriends one last time. I thought I’d get the internet set up where we’ll be staying this next week and finish up a couple of blog entries last night – but that didn’t work out. Now I’ll have to wait until Monday to get to that. But the internet hasn’t been cut off yet, here, so thought I’d check in. Have a great weekend everyone! I’d better go before I get cut off.

UPDATE – WEDNESDAY 6/28: Well, I finally did get the internet working in our temporary quarters. Account number missing a zero – amazing how important one little zero is. 🙂

So, the truck has been loaded up and driven away. Bye stuff! We have a bit more cleaning to do on Thursday, then dinner with some friends. Friday, we’ll have lunch with our pastor & family, then we’re off.

Of course, we never take the direct route. We’ll be visiting an aunt in Illinois, old friends and our old church in St. Louis, my grandmother, aunt & uncle in Oklahoma, then on down to West Texas. Internet access will be touch & go over the next two weeks. I’ll stop in when I can. I’ll practice taking deep breaths whenever I start to feel email/blog withdrawal. 🙂


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This post on AfrIndie Mum makes me feel that all is not lost in the world of adoption. If adoption is even a minute possible consideration for you, please be sure to read it.

I haven't read this blog beyond the above post and her most recent, where she admits to sometimes using "colorful" language. If you can get past that, it appears that AfrIndie Mum is well worth the read on topics of ethical adoption, transracial adoption, etc. I plan to add her to my list of regular reads.

My time is up for today, but I do have more of my own thoughts on adoption and how to apply this new information to my own family. I have opened a dialogue, finally, with G (my husband) and look forward to more discussions with him over the next year. This will not be an "easy fix" for us. But, alas, we have a year in the dessert now to think it through. Although it was a short conversation, it seems that he understands what I'm saying and is in agreement.

So, for now, I say have a great weekend!

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I decided to experiment with a different theme. What do you think?

I actually liked "Fresh Bananas" better, but discovered it does not have widget capability yet. So, you may see another change or two as I decide what I like best. Who knows, I may even wind up back at "Thirteen" again. 🙂 It's kindof like rearranging the furniture or trying on new shoes.

WordPress bloggers, what do you like about your WordPress Theme? I prefer a theme that is either centered on the screen or takes up the whole screen. For some reason, I don't care for having  all the content on the left with so much open space on the right. Although, some of those themes are nice otherwise. Oh, and I must have those widgets. 🙂

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Just over two weeks ago as I was driving home I picked up a distant radio station I don’t usually get. The song playing was an older song that brought back some memories. As I was thinking, it occurred to me that it had been 10 years since my parents separated for the last time and my mom filed for divorce. I was 28 at the time and the song was Life is Hard (God is Good) by Pam Thum. Although I was grown, it was hard watching my parents both having such a rough time. It was sad to see them give up after struggling together for so long – but also a relief.

I struggled for a while with the divorce and what that meant for them spiritually. Especially when they both remarried. Jesus does not have good things to say about divorce. But, there is also grace. I must say that both of my parents have grown in their faith over the last ten years. And we have two more wonderful people in our family that I love dearly. So, truly, I think, even when we don’t make the best choices, God can still work in our lives. All is not lost.

I can’t help but think of King David. In spite of some pretty poor choices he made, even horrendous, he was called “a man after God’s own heart.” Another example: God still kept His promise to Abraham even when, in a moment of doubt, he did the wrong thing to try to make it happen himself. God knows our fallen condition and can see into our hearts. This encourages me as I look over my own life and find myself wondering about choices I have made.

So I leave you now with the lyrics to that song. Be encouraged.

Life is Hard (God is Good) by Pam Thum

You turn the key Then close the door behind you Drop your bags on the floor You reach for the light But there’s darkness deep inside And you can’t take it anymore

‘Cause sometimes living takes the life out of you And sometimes living is all you can do

Life is hard, the world is cold We’re barely young and then we’re old But every falling tear is always understood Yes, life is hard, but God is good

You start to cry ‘Cause you’ve been strong for so long And that’s not how you feel You try to pray But there’s nothing left to say So you just quietly kneel

In the silence of all that you face God will give you His mercy and grace

Jesus never said It was an easy road to travel He only said that you would never be alone So when your last thread of hope Begins to come unraveled Don’t give up, He walks beside you On this journey home and He knows

Life is hard, the world is cold We’re barely young and then we’re old But every falling tear is always understood Yes, life is hard, but God is good

ADDED NOTE: I failed to acknowledge above that some “choices” in life are made in times of desperation when, in reality, there are few, if any, other options available. I just want to say that God’s grace and love apply regardless.

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God and Adoption

In my blog stats I can see what search terms people used to find my blog:



god doesn't want adoption 2
mom at 38 1
potty training required preschool 1
potty training 1
scriptures listed out for struggles 1

That top one got me thinking (and everyone groans). I don't think that's true. So I did a quick scripture search on Biblegateway.com:

  • First, there's Moses – Exodus 2:1-8
  • I also thought of Samuel – 1 Samuel 2:1-11 Hannah was barren and prayed fervently to God for a child "O LORD Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head." 1 Samuel 1:11. Once he was weaned, he lived with Eli, the priest and "ministered before the Lord."
  • And who could forget beautiful Esther.
  • Even the new testament frames our salvation, or acceptance into God's kingdom through Jesus' sacrifice, in terms of adoption: Romans 8:22-24, Romans 9:3-5, and Ephesians 1:4-6.

Just as, in this post, I begin to question our use of "God's will" related to life events such as adoption, I don't believe it would be correct to go to the other extreme and say that God does not want adoption to happen at all, ever. I think the issue, or the problem, is not with God. The problem is our fallen understandings and our fallen practices of adoption. "Oh no, there she goes again with that 'fallen' stuff," you may be saying. Well, I make no apologies for my Christian view of the world. Because of this fallen state, even the best of our intentions, our purest motives, are corrupt (Isaiah 64:6).

I started to list out some examples of this, but I think we're all familiar with human nature, regardless of whether we believe the Bible or are a person of faith. So, it comes down to sin. Sin in each of our lives that hurts ourselves and hurts others. So, adoption itself, is a concept that God used in scripture. But here, on planet earth, I don't think it often looks the way God would like it to look, or happens the way He would like. Check out this post on Paragraphein for some thoughts on how, although adoption may be a good option, it may not necessarily be the best in every situation.

Now, I'm not questioning God's sovereignty here. I just believe He gives us freedom in living our lives – making choices. After all, He didn't stop Sarah and Abraham from making and acting on a decision that later caused much pain (Genesis 16). Yet, in spite of that Abraham is included in the "Hall of Faith" in Hebrews 11. Hooray for the grace of God!

The dilema, then, is in what to do about that. Again, more thinking and no answers. Like anything, adoption will never be perfect. But we can keep talking about it with each other – those involved personally or professionally – while realizing that we are prone to error, and perhaps make it better.

On that note, thanks KimKim for your kind words on your blog! I hope that this post here will be taken as intended, without offense. I realize that many that come by to read may not share my worldview and therefore not quite understand. Hopefully understanding can be found in the dialogue. If you're interested in gaining a better understing of adoption, you'll find other blogs linked from KimKim and Paragraphein. Do check them out.

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Adoption Blog: Third Mom

This is the blog of an adoptive mom who is also re-thinking adoption – how it’s done, what it means, etc . . . She is much further along on the journey than I am and has some good insights. It is worth checking out if you are considering adoption, particularly international adoption.


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Blessed Be Your Name

This song came on the radio in the car the other day and B shouted, “Hey! We know that song!” We then had a sweet little worship time together singing at the top of our lungs, me drumming on the steering wheel and B drumming on his lap. “Bwessed be the name of the Ward!” We reached our destination while the song was still on and remained in the car to the end, singing together. Here are the lyrics, which have been ringing in my heart every since:

Blessed be Your name, in the land that is plentiful, where Your streams of abundance flow. Blessed be Your name.

Blessed be Your name, when I’m found in the desert place, though I walk through the wilderness. Blessed be Your name.

Every blessing You pour out I’ll turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in, still I will say:

Blessed be the name of the Lord. Blessed be Your name. Blessed be the name of the Lord. Blessed be Your glorious name.

Blessed be Your name, when the sun’s shining down on me, when the wolrd’s all as it should be, blessed be Your name.

Blessed be Your name, on the road marked with suffering. Though there’s pain in the offereing, blessed be Your name.

You give and take away. You give and take away. My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name!

Music and lyrics by Matt Redman and Beth Redman, copyright 2002.

What a great reminder of what life is all about. And it really doesn’t matter where I am, I can still live the life I’m created for. Of course, moving involves loss, and that means some grief. And that’s OK. More important than the green trees and blue mountains I spoke of before are the people we will leave behind here. In spite of myself I have made some good friends that I will miss a great deal. We worship with a wonderful group of folks here and have been through some hard times together. It will be hard to leave.

Being someplace for nearly 7 years allows emotional roots to grow a bit deeper, I think. It seems once you pass the 5 year mark it gets harder to leave a place. Our first duty station together was Hawaii. We lived there a little over 3 years. We left Hawaii in December and arrived at our new duty station, St. Louis, MO, in January. We literally drove into town during a snowstorm. That winter I referred to our new home as the state of Misery. 🙂 Well, 5 1/2 years later, when it was time to move again, I found I had grown quite attached to St. Louis. We loved our church and our neighborhood, and G worked with a great group of folks. 

Well, here I am nearly 7 years later. In all honesty, I haven’t been that fond of our neighborhood, or our house. And I’m very ready for G to have a reprieve from the stress he has lived under these past 5 years (since 9/11). But I’m finding I have grown attached to this place, just the same. On our way to our new home, we are spending a week in St. Louis and plan to see some of the folks we used to know there, and worship at our old church. So, I have hope that in the future, we will see these Virginia folks again, one way or another.

I have talked of our new home as our “dessert place.” But in reality, we are very happy with this move. This is a wonderful opportunity for G to continue his military education, and to also finish his degree. We are looking forward to a more relaxed schedule and less stress. We have also met some of the families he will be attending the academy with and look forward to making new friends. It certainly looks like it could be a very good year.

But, the song above reminds me, that no matter the circumstances, I am to worship my God – Blessed be His name! My prayer is that we will live that song, no matter what. This morning during our communion and prayer time, we prayed for a woman who has just been diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. Now that is definately tough circumstances. Of course we pray for healing. But that is not always what God chooses to do. It made me think – could I, would I, still turn my eyes to Him in the midst of such suffering? I believe that takes strength beyond our own to say “Blessed be Your name” on the “road marked with suffering.” I pray for that strength for this woman, for my family, and for each of you.

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