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Just Enough Light

I believe it is Beth Moore that has a book titled “Just Enough Light for the Step I’m On.” Something to that effect, anyway. It has been almost two years since I last posted here, so I’m not sure any of my former readers are still out there. But I am here to report that my husband is home safe and we have survived deployment. God has been faithful each step of the way, giving us just enough light for each of those steps. We have a little longer with the Army, so he’s not fully ours yet. But he is making an effort to better balance the demands of his job with family life. I have been able to attend my women’s Bible study without the kiddo. And I must say he is a much better cubscout leader than I could even dream of being. The kiddo is very happy to have Dad back, to say the least.

My hope is to return to blogging. I have really missed it. I don’t know what is next for us. Later this year, as I mentioned, G will no longer be a Soldier. Hopefully he will be able to make some time to explore employment and business options before that time is here. The kiddo would like to have a brother and a couple sisters join the family (2 boys and 2 girls in the family, total). So, we’re waiting and trusting God will shine His light on those steps when the time comes to take them. If anyone is still out there and catches this post, stop in and say hello. Fill me in on what adventures you’ve encountered these past two years. Happy New Year!

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This has been another PMS week. I actually started crying yesterday when my husband called to tell me something would take effect that we had already discussed. Poor thing, he headed home as soon as he was released to make sure I was alright. I mention that here in case anyone else is struggling with menstrual woes and might be looking for information I linked to on my other blog. I started today, so I’ll likely feel better in the next day or so. 🙂 I hope everyone has a great weekend.

ANOTHER THOUGHT: I should have a button made that I can pin on when I feel the symptoms coming that states “It’s that time” or simply “PMS.” That way G will know what’s happening when I start to flake out on him, and when he should, perhaps tread more lightly. 🙂

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Still Walking

So, I still haven’t answered the original questions posed by Dawn (This Woman’s Work):

How did your understanding of God impact your feelings around adoption? How did your feelings around adoption impact your understanding of God? 

That is tough to answer as I really think it has changed these past few months. And I have also discussed it here as I’ve processed. So I’m not sure whether it warrants repeating. But I just read Cloudscome’s beautiful answer to this and feel spurred on to try.

Early on I had our adoption story posted as a page, but took it down for rewriting after my encounters with KimKim and others. I still haven’t managed that rewrite. But I remember stating in that story that B coming to our family was God ordained. I think that is the main point that has changed for me in all this.

That specifically is a hard issue to sort through as there is this delicate balance between God’s sovereignty and our free will. I keep returning to the story of Sarah and Abraham – how their faith faltered and they attempted to take matters into their own hands. Sarah gave here maid, Hagar, to Abraham for the purpose of having that elusive child they so desired. This action had tragic results for their family that still resonate down through history.

But, in all this, God is still in control. And He uses these actions and events for His own purposes. Another story from the old testament illustrates that God does not allow free will when it directly opposes His plan and purpose. Do you remember the story of Balaam’s donkey? You can find it in Numbers 22, it’s the one where the donkey talks to Balaam. Ultimately Balaam winds up blessing, when he is trying to curse, Israel.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s possible that many who adopt, including myself, are exercising their free will. It’s possible we’re pulling a Sarah, so to speak, and taking matters into our own hands to establish the families we so desire. But God is still in control and can still work in and through all that. He is the great physician that can heal the deepest of wounds. He gives peace that passes our understanding.

I have recently been blessed by the story of one first-mom who has walked a hard road to where she is now. Perhaps I can enlist her to share her story here one day. She knows this great physician and has experienced His healing and peace. Her faith is deep and strong, her worship free and genuine. Her story has blessed me beyond measure and gives me much hope.

I still believe adoption is at times necessary in this broken world, painful though it is. I strongly feel it is our calling to minister in some way to families that are broken, be it through adopting or fostering or in some other way. We’re still searching and praying for that path to be made clear to us. It likely won’t until we’re upon it. It comes down to faith and trust as we walk this walk one step at a time. I believe that when we seek God’s wisdom and guidance He does not withhold it from us. And I believe He is using many of you in guiding us in His wisdom. Thank you.

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Deleted a Post

Well, I’m not in the habit of deleting posts. This may be the first. But I never felt good about having given in to the temptation to rant since the moment I clicked publish. After arguing with myself about it for a number of days, I decided it was not appropriate here, on this blog. It was largley ignored, anyway, so I deleted it. For the most part, I like to leave my blog as is – leaving my trail of learning and growing – and don’t like to delete posts. But since I am quite fallible, can’t say it won’t happen again. 🙂 But I also don’t want to get in the habit of “ranting” here – and deleted that category, too.

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Prayer Request

I just got an email from my uncle with an update on my aunt, who was recently diagnosed with colon cancer. Initially things looked like she’d be OK, but further testing has revealed stage 3 cancer. The cancer has penetrated through the interior walls of the colon into the lining. It was also found in one of the fifteen lymph nodes tested. She’ll be going to an oncologist in a few weeks for chemo. Needless to say, the family is in a state of shock. Following is a list of specific things to pray for (from my uncle):

  • Physical and emotional strength
  • Peace in our hearts and minds
  • Grace to honor God in this time of trial
  • Wisdom to make correct decisions regarding treatment
  • Wisdom for the Doctors to choose the right treatment
  • For strength, comfort and Peace in the lives of our Loved Ones
  • Complete Healing of my aunt’s body – God is the same yesterday, today and forever – He still Heals

I put this out there for anyone who would care to pray. Thank you.

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Well, I discovered shortly after writing the last post that I managed another accomplishment this week: severely offending and upsetting two fellow bloggers. I apparently did a miserable job in the communication department and was totally and completely misunderstood. I have attempted to apologize and set things right again, so far to no avail. One of the bloggers went so far as deleting every comment I ever made on said blog, and putting comments on moderation – probably to prevent any further comments on my part.

I suppose I should just tell myself “Se La Vi” (how on earth do you spell that?) and move on. However, for some reason, I’m pretty upset myself over the whole thing.Why? I really couldn’t tell you. After all, I have never met these people in person, probably wouldn’t know them if I bumped into one of them on the street. But, there is a certain relational element to this medium and you get to liking the folks you interact with on a regular basis. The faces of these two blogs appear to be a couple of great folks that, if we did live in the same town, I’d probably enjoy hanging out with.

So, on that level, I guess, I’m feeling a bit of a loss. I’m a bit surprised how deeply this is affecting me. I was literally shaking as I typed out my email responses. I’m feeling a bit emotional even as I write this. That’s got me thinking perhaps I should take a break from blogging for a bit – writing and reading. I don’t know how long. See ya when I see ya.

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I decided to experiment with a different theme. What do you think?

I actually liked "Fresh Bananas" better, but discovered it does not have widget capability yet. So, you may see another change or two as I decide what I like best. Who knows, I may even wind up back at "Thirteen" again. 🙂 It's kindof like rearranging the furniture or trying on new shoes.

WordPress bloggers, what do you like about your WordPress Theme? I prefer a theme that is either centered on the screen or takes up the whole screen. For some reason, I don't care for having  all the content on the left with so much open space on the right. Although, some of those themes are nice otherwise. Oh, and I must have those widgets. 🙂

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