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Archive for April, 2006

I’m switching hats for a moment to my “military spouse” hat. My husband Green Springhas been selected to attend the Sergeants Major Academy, which means we are moving this summer. We have lived the past six and a half years in beautiful, green Central Virginia. The trees and mountains are so lush and green, and in the spring there are flowers everywhere. Did I mention how green it is?Desert Mountain

Where we are going is NOT green. When we showed pictures to a friend this morning, desolate was the word she used. However, I believe the desert in the southwest does have a beauty of its own, and I’m looking forward to becoming acquainted with that beauty.

This past week we attended an orientation for the course. One of the speakers, CSM Jones, shared her “Bones” theory for getting through the course. It seems to me to be good ideas for life in general, so I’ll share it here:

  • Back bone – have the courage to do what’s right
  • Funny bone – find ways to laugh, keep your sense of humor
  • Wish bone – believe in the future, hope, dream
  • Tail bone – get up and make a difference

The ideas certainly aren’t new. I just thought the presentation unique. I took an anatomy course in college and dropped the course when we got to the chapter covering all the bones of the body. 🙂 But I think I can remember these.

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I have had this title in my head for days, now, but am still trying to figure out where to go with it. So bear with me. I felt a need to post it in progress without letting any more time go by.

I started my website and blog with the intent of encouraging other folks out there struggling with infertility by sharing some of my life and experience. Well, sometimes God has other plans and certainly has the power to step in and work through our weaknesses. It appears to me that He may be working through my blunder of going off "half-cocked" so to speak. I certainly never invisioned the dialogue that developed with my previous post. But I am thankful for it and am learning from it. Perhaps there is a little divine intervention involved in the delays I expressed frustration over in this post. Perhaps we have still more growing to do. We'll just have to wait and see where the journey leads us.

In the meantime, I hope the dialogue continues. I am not the only one out there that can learn from another perspective. Our story will continue to evolve. As B grows he will formulate his own story. Perhaps someday down the road we can hear J's story, too. And hopefully the three will merge together into something beautiful that will bring glory to our Creator. That is, after all, why we were created – what our lives are for.

Well, I could ramble on, but it is approaching midnight here. Little B does not sleep in. 🙂 Thank you for walking along with me on this journey. You are welcome to continue along side as long as you wish.

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NOTE for folks linking directly to this post: Please take the time to read through the comments following. I don't want to alter the original post as that would destroy the context in wich those were written. I also encourage you to click over to my recent posts. Rather than have this go on and on with further comments from me, I am moving on to new posts. Thanks for stopping by. 

I was recently reading one of Shirley Buxton's wonderful posts and ran across a comment that really got my gander up.

mskimkim Says:
April 19th, 2006 at 3:46 am
There are some truly evil websites on the Internet that is true. This one is horrifying http://www.christianadoption.com they are highly disturbing. Fancy trying to prize babies away from their mothers by saying that God wants them to have other parents. Evil.

I have looked through the offending website and have not found any statement telling birthmom's that God wants their babies to have "other parents." If you look and find it, please correct me, as I would have a problem with that, as well.

I did find encouragement for birthparents to seriously consider their options and choices and to pray and seek guidance from their Creator. What to do about an unplanned pregnancy is a serious matter and the choices do not come easy. It seems that the web authors assume someone who finds their website already has adoption on their list of options. They are providing information they believe necessary in making the decision and help in finding a family if they do choose adoption. Now I am not endorsing this website, or their service. We probably won't choose to register with them ourselves. But I hardly see anything evil in their pages or their intent.

All that being said, it appears that the commenter above may have a problem with adoption, in general. I am aware that there are people "out there" that are opposed to adoption. I suppose I should not have given it a second thought. But I find myself here at the keyboard and I'm not letting it lie, am I? 🙂 No, I want to talk a little bit about the choices involved in adoption.

First there are birthparents who find themselves in a situation they are not prepared for. These folks have much to think about. There are, of course, the financial issues. But there are also issues of maturity, education, family, emotional support . . . We all know that abortion is a legal option in this country. There is also the option to parent the baby herself. But there is a third option – praise God! If that woman does not want to choose either of the other options, she can choose another family to take on the very big responsibility of raising that child. None of these three choices are easy. Each one is painful in it's own right. It is important we recognize that.

Then there are the families that open their hearts and homes to these children. Those who adopt. There are many reasons these families consider adopting children. Some of us have not been able to achieve a pregnancy to have children in the conventional manner, but desire to be parents. Other families have "biological" children and decide to include other children in their family. I recently read a story in Reader's Digest About a couple whose children were grown when they heard a choir of boys from an African country ripped apart by war. These boys had lost their parents and were living in an orphanage. God moved this couple to adopt 2 of those boys and then their siblings that were still in Africa. Each family you meet would likely give many different reasons for choosing to adopt.

Certainly I have not covered every choice involved, nor every reason for making those choices. My point really is that adoption is a choice. It is a choice that turns lives upside down and changes them forever. Birthparents, adopting parents, and their families will never be the same after making these choices. There are many emotions involved: grief, sorrow, love, happiness, joy, to name just a few, are experienced on all sides. Regardless of how you may feel about those choices – agree or disagree – please respect those of us who make them. Life is not easy. You will have difficulties no matter which road you find yourself on. But, alas, that is another discussion in itself, probably best left to another post on another day.

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Happy Resurrection Day!

He is Risen!

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Truly Blessed

Well, I was already feeling a bit guilty for indulging in whining and self pity for my last post and have been in process of counting my blessings. Then I received an email from a friend. God seems to be working on me through email this week. 🙂

The transmission quit on my friend’s traveling home and they are a bit “stranded” waiting for a replacement. It seems the replacement they were waiting for finally arrived, only to be the wrong one. So still they wait. I responded to one of his humorous updates regarding this dilemma and this was part of his reply:

I truly consider us blessed that our only care in the world is a stupid transmission. I feel embarrassed by how blessed we truly are and how insignificant our problems are when weighed against the measure of all that is going on in the world.

Of course, before that statement, he listed out some folks he knew on rough roads like cancer, lost loved ones, house fires, and the like. Needless to say, that put my little issues into perspective. Of course life is not easy – we live in a fallen world.

Having said that, let me say that I do not think my previous post wrong. I believe that sharing those feelings opened the way for me to remember my blessings and renew my perspective.  “. . . but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Romans 12:2b

It seems there is a fine line between complaining and sharing each other’s burdens. I hope that I did not cross that line. I appreciate the kind comments to that post and hope it provides opportunity for others to share their story and be encouraged that they are not alone. I’ve been prompted from those comments to write a page on our adoption story, coming soon.

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I was not planning to blog today, but here I am. I just answered an email from a friend inquiring about our plans for a second child and it occurred to me that infertility is still complicating my life.

Yes I am now a mom – God brought our beautiful son to us through adoption. He turned 3 back in February and we so much want him to have siblings. Well, after 16+ years of marriage with no conception, it's not real likely to happen biologically. In about 2 months we are moving – and will only be at our  new location about a year – then another move to who knows where [husband in military :-)]. So as far as I can tell, unless God does something miraculous, adoption proceedings will have to be put off a year or more.

It occurred to me while I was answering my friend's email that if we could go about this in the conventional manner, these impending changes in our location would not matter, and I got angry all over again. I haven't really struggled with those "infertility feelings" for over 3 years now. I have been so focused on being the best mom I could be that I'd forgotten that I am still infertile and having more children would still be a struggle.

I know that God's timing is perfect, His ways are higher than my ways, He's already done amazing work in our family and will continue to do so . . . But for the moment am feeling a little ticked that we can't just decide "Let's have another child," get pregnant, and 9 months later have a new little person in our family. At times it really bugs me that it's so easy for most folks. Infertility really complicates the process -whether you choose medical treatment or adoption to try for a child, it's complicated. And I'm not getting any younger – turning 37 next month.

OK, that's enough whining. I just thought I'd throw those feelings out there for anyone who's there now, or has "been there, done that." I'd love to hear from you. We're here to encourage each other. I hope this will help someone else as they realize they are not alone. 

Now here's a verse to remind me/us Who's in control. 🙂

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

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Joy & Wonder

Today I played in the rain with my 3 year old. He was just thrilled to run in the rain with his rainboots on. What a blessing to take joy in my child's joy.

The Chief end of man is to glorify God BY enjoying Him forever. Desiring God by John Piper

I'll probably spend a lifetime learning what that looks like, but today I saw a glimpse in the pure delight I enjoyed watching my son experience.

I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it. Luke 18:17

Children approach life with such joy and wonder, not to mention exuberance. Where along the way do we lose that in the process of growing up? I didn't really want to leave the cover of our front porch and get wet out in the rain. I don't even own a pair of rain boots! But rain is part of the wonderful world God created and my son is fascinated by it. It was a thrill for him to experience the light drops of water falling on his head and to run through the puddles just to see them splash. 

This joy and wonder is what God is looking for in our hearts as we experience Him and the world He created. God I pray this for my own heart, for my husband, and my son, and for those who read this post. Show us how to become like little children and bring You glory by enjoying You forever. Amen

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