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Archive for the ‘Infertility’ Category

Long ago, towards the beginning of this blog, I had posted our adoption story. Shortly after that, and a rather unpopular post on the subject of adoption, I learned that the way I stated some things regarding our adoption was offensive to some folks on the other side of the adoption triad. So, I took it down to ponder and do some rewriting. Goodness, I think that was nearly two years ago. Tonight I discovered that the draft was still in my files. So, I’ve read over it and made a few terminology changes, and reposted. Check the page tabs across the top.

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It all began April 8th, 2006, my first official blog post on WordPress. It’s kind of funny how I got here. Can you believe I used to be an eBay junkie? Yeah, I tried my hand at selling “stuff” on eBay. The first couple of months I did pretty well selling some of our old stuff. But then I had to try to find stuff to sell, and that didn’t go so well. I got involved in the community and met someone trying to develop a co-op model for eBay sellers. I joined in her co-op and took a web design class she offered.

At this point, I had already discovered that I did not have the knack for finding yard sale treasures that other people wanted. I racked my brain for weeks trying to come up with a purpose for my website. I finally gave up on the idea of finding something profitable to sell, and decided to make it a sort of ministry for women dealing with infertility. I initially started with a Yahoo blog as an extension of the website – to drive traffic to the site. But I had no way of knowing whether anyone actually read my entries there, and folks couldn’t leave a comment unless they were a member of Yahoo 360.

Then I discovered WordPress through my friend Mark, of Sacred Journey. I saw how easy it was for folks to comment, and for me to track statistics. So, I moved the two posts I had written at Yahoo over to WordPress, then wrote Joy & Wonder, my first WordPress post. Literally within minutes of that post, I had my first comment from Shirley Buxton. I was hooked. Little did I know how much this little venture would change me.

It was April 20, 2006 that I wrote that infamous post about the adoption choice. That is when I first met KimKim, Jenna, and Dawn, among others. And since then I have met many others from the various sides of the adoption triad. These folks through their comments here and the writing on their blogs, have changed my perspective. I can honestly say I have a whole new outlook on adoption. I call it my adoption education.

Amazingly, one year later, I have learned so much, yet have tons more to learn. I don’t think this is an education one ever completes. I will never graduate and recieve a degree or certificate. The education continues throughout life. But I can’t call it an education if it is not applying to my life. Yes, this blog has impacted my life. I don’t think I would have ever written the latest letter to J, B’s first-mom, encouraging more opennes and direct contact. That probably would have never occurred to me before.

Then there’s the somewhat terrifying prospect that she might actually takes us up on that some day. I take comfort in the knowledge that I wouldn’t be walking that road alone. Of course there’s my God, ever present with strength and wisdom for the asking. And there is also each of you out there sharing your stories and listening to mine. We truely spur one another on along the way. You are why I’m still here blogging, one year later. I thank each of you for that.

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I seem to have unintentionally taken a break from writing about adoption. I’ve started to several times as there have been some wonderful posts around the adoption blogosphere specifically about what we regular folks can do to make things better. I will list some of those at the end of this post. But I didn’t seem to have anything new or unique to add to the discussion, so felt a sort of block. In all honesty, my last couple of posts have been somewhat obligatory “I have to post something!” I must admit I’m a bit disappointed no one had any ideas for that website of mine. I guess I’ll leave it abandoned for now until some inspiration hits me. 🙂

Well, today, while doing my daily blog reading, Nicole directed folks to a post on Musings of the Lame. So, I clicked over and found another thought provoking post. I was particularly struck by one statement she makes there:

Adoption is, in it’s perfect form, supposed to be about finding homes for children that need them, not about finding children for parents that want them.

Lightbulb! That is what has gone wrong in the field of adoption in the US. It has become more about finding babies for people that want to be parents. It really should not be about that at all. And I’m saying that as one of those folks that very much wanted to be a parent. I’m sure some of you want to wack me on the head and say “Duh!” OK, maybe I’m a little slow.

Of course I’m not stating that to be true across the board for every agency or every person seeking to adopt. But whenever that subtle shift occurrs, the door is thrown wide open for trouble to come in, probably without us even realizing it. I don’t think it’s even an intentional thing for most. Although I’m sure there are those that realized a “market” could be made of all those infertile couples out there. But I would think that’s a minority. More likeley most don’t realize the shift has occurred and see themselves as helping people.

Enter adoption triad bloggers speaking their truths – blogging about their experience with adoption. It is heartening to have found two new adoptive parent blogs in the last couple of weeks, blogging with their eyes and hearts wide open. There are also many more adoptee and first-parent blogs that I have yet to add to my blogroll. Sure, they run into hostility, people that don’t want to hear what they are saying. I picture those folks sticking their fingers in their ears and shouting at the top of their lungs “la la la la la.” They don’t want to listen. But I also see people that are listening. I am one of those people, actually. And every so often I throw my two cents out there for anyone who wants to hear.

But there is more that we can do. Here is where I don’t have anything new or unique to add right now. So, I’ll point those that are seeking to the posts that are discussing that. We have some great thinkers and writers out there already that are doing a great job. So consider me a sign-post pointing you in their direction.

From some of these you can link to others that I didn’t include in the list. I didn’t want it to seem too overwhelming. But, please, whether you’re just thinking about adoption, planning to adopt, or even already adopted, allow yourself some blocks of time to read through this stuff, and to think and process it. As soon as we know where we’re going next, I’ll be obsessively researching adoption and foster care in that area. It’s what we have to do, I think, to make sure we are proceeding ethically, rightly, and doing right by all involved.

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I have this domain: http://www.journeytomom.net. I started this website for a web design class I took from an individual on eBay. I had a hard time coming up with a purpose for the site so I could get on with the class. I finally went with a site dedicated to the passions of my heart: infertility, adoption, and parenting. This blog (originally on Yahoo) was meant to be an extension of that site. I had some affiliate adds on there in hopes of bringing in a few bucks, too. 🙂

Funny how little things like that lead you places you never would have dreamed. Nearly a year later, the blog has taken over my consciousness (more on that later). I have virtually deserted the website. As a matter of fact, it has not been updated since June, 2006 – before our last move. Well, this month came time to renew the domain. I went ahead and renewed it. But I am at a loss as to what to do with it.

I’ve had a couple of ideas. One, delete the content hosted on FreeWebs and point the domain here. Two, change the purpose of the site towards ethics in adoption, a newly discovered passion. I thought I’d toss it out here and see if anyone might have ideas or suggestions. Any web savvy folks out there want to chime in?

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This has been another PMS week. I actually started crying yesterday when my husband called to tell me something would take effect that we had already discussed. Poor thing, he headed home as soon as he was released to make sure I was alright. I mention that here in case anyone else is struggling with menstrual woes and might be looking for information I linked to on my other blog. I started today, so I’ll likely feel better in the next day or so. 🙂 I hope everyone has a great weekend.

ANOTHER THOUGHT: I should have a button made that I can pin on when I feel the symptoms coming that states “It’s that time” or simply “PMS.” That way G will know what’s happening when I start to flake out on him, and when he should, perhaps tread more lightly. 🙂

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At least that’s where I’m placing the blame for this rotten mood I’m in – that and perhaps some post-holiday blues. I’m sitting in the living room staring at our tree and hating that I have to put it away tomorrow.

Writing about G’s potential to be deployed in a couple of posts recently, it occurred to me that will cause further delays in adding to our family in ANY way. He just turned 41 and I’ll be 39 in a few months. Time just keeps hurtling by fruitlessly, it seems. So, I was already feeling frustrated with our current position when PMS hit. Really, I’m counting chickens before they hatch and worrying about bridges we haven’t gotten to yet. We don’t know where we’re going or whether a deployment will occur. So, it’s fruitless for me to steam about it anyway. More of that waiting business. I’m terrible at that. I hate this point in military life when you know that a move is imminent but haven’t been given any clues yet.

I was just tag surfing and saw a post (infertility tag) with info on pregnancy tests and it occurred to me that I have never had to use one. I had one hanging around for some time years ago but that period of mine comes right on time without fail every month. I think I finally gave it away after awhile. Now I’m more irritated than I was before. Guess I didn’t need to be tag surfing. I probably need to be getting to bed instead of sitting here feeling sorry for myself, anyway.

One more gripe – I’ve used Always brand “feminine napkins” for longer than I can remember. Some time this past year I started noticing a “happy” little note they printed on the adhesive tab you pull off that says “Have a Happy Period.” Is it just me or is that incredibly annoying?

 OK, enough whining and griping from me tonight. I’m going to head for bed and pray for a renewed heart and mind, count my blessings and give thanks in all things no matter what happens. Good night all.

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There was a post-wide yard-sale event Saturday, so guess what I did. Yup, I could not miss out on a chance to go “yardsaling.” I don’t think I’ve done that since last summer – over a year now. In VA, during the summer, Saturday morning yard-sales offered a chance for me to get out by myself for a while – and B had some daddy time. So, that’s how I spent my Saturday morning.

It was quite a successful run, too. I found clothes for myself and B, and lots of books. Yard-sales are great for book shopping! Most of the books were for B. But I found a couple for myself, too. One is The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Managing Your Time. My husband’s comment to that was: “step one – don’t take the time to read this book.” 🙂 I also picked up Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, by Rebecca Wells. Has anyone read that?

So, after I ran home to make lunch for the guys, I took off for a Stampin’ Up party in the neighborhood. Of course I spent more than I should have on ink and stamps. But it was fun hanging out with other women for a while – no kids. Wow, I guess I had a lot of “me” time yesterday.  Then I came home and worked on laundry and dinner . . .

At the Stampin’ Up party, I did find myself in the middle of a “pregnancy” conversation. Don’t you just LOVE those? Ugh! The woman on my right was pregnant, so of course, the surrounding women were compelled to all tell their pregnancy stories. That is something that still grates me the wrong way and makes me cringe. Sure, I’m in the mom club now. But the pregnancy club is one that eludes me.

And, frankly, I’m not so sure I want to at this point in my life. My next birthday will be 39. Gasp! Twice in the last few months I contemplated the idea as I realized I was ovulating at the right time. 😉 I found I didn’t feel as excited at the possibility as I used to. I think it’s a combination of the age thing, and perhaps some lost hope. This next anniversary will be number 17. After so many unsuccessful years, you kind of stop even hoping for it. I can certainly understand why Sarah laughed at the prospect.

Sure, I know God can do anything. I’ve heard and read of so many miracle stories. And, if God works such a ridiculous miracle in our “old age” we’ll be thankful and roll with the flow, trusting in His infinite wisdom. But I don’t have such a promise, as Sarah had, to hold on to. So, I’m not really hoping for it anymore. Acknowledging that makes me a little sad. I likely will never have my own pregnancy story to tell.

Most days have ups and downs. For the most part Saturday was a very good day. It was a refreshing time to be out & about doing things I enjoy. I am thankful for those women I got to stamp it up with, and I am thankful for my little family.

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